When I open my mouth…

Recently I read a quick blurb that said “Sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out”. If and when my children read this they might have a different memory of me, however, I don’t think I can even remember what my mother would have said.

Mom was not very verbal. She was stunningly beautiful. Rarely did I have a conversation with her. However, in my memory, she had opinions. Why can’t I remember what she said? Dad was five years her senior and he seemed to always have a speech for every opinion. Maybe mom let him “rule the roost” because of his age…or was it a choice? Or was it her inability to communicate. She was only 16 when they married and they lived to celebrate nearly 64 years of marriage. Dad was incredibly thoughtful of her—she really was spoiled by him.

I do not remember anything my mom taught me. Nor do I remember any discipline that she imparted upon me. She was an example of being a lady, acting always with kindness and thoughtfulness. Mom always looked lovely. Hair and makeup in place—always. While I have always struggled with my weight, she was tall and thin. She made it very clear that she expected me to be thin as well. I do remember one picture of myself very thin—and she commented that this was “the one she liked”. Ouch, to the core.

My mother lived the last ten years of her life with Alzheimers. I have a very clear memory of a telephone call with her and I realized I would never have a meaningful conversation again with my mom. She was mentally and emotionally gone. I have frequently wondered if there were signs of her illness long before any of us identified the problem.

Nevertheless, even as a child, I remember my Dad and the things he taught me. School work that he helped me with, theories we discussed, insight he shared with me. Even now, my husband will say “sometimes when you open your mouth, your father comes out”. I may have some physical resemblance to my mother, but there’s probably a little more of my Dad that is repeating itself in me. Hmmmmm……

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *