I have re-read some of my posts regarding this same subject. Here is what I jotted down this morning and it was surprisingly similar to last year! NEW GOAL: Find new goals!!
It must be the “aging” process. Frequently I find myself reassessing my actions, and those actions of the past. Reading is a big part of my life and the subject most frequently chosen is about forgiving, or fear. Maybe that is indicative of my mental state.
I know my children are assessing my actions. It’s a normal thought process for children to be “watching Mom’s behavior”. Is she going down hill mentally? Did she forget something? Was her conversation showing signs of forgetfulness? I get it. I did the same thing with my own parents. However, it doesn’t make reality any easier. I have suddenly decided that getting old is NOT fun. So, the real question is: how do I gracefully attack old age? AND: Who Am I?
First decision: Always look good. I just might fool someone! That goal has sometimes been shattered when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror—or a picture was snapped when I hadn’t posed properly. Wrinkles, fat rolls, an unattractive frown. But I must keep trying!
Second decision: Eat healthy. I fail so frequently. In spite of all good intentions, sugar beckons me. A new goal: no, it’s not new. It’s today’s goal. I read about the effects of eating foods with good nutrition and it might stave off memory problems. Yes, that’s today’s goal. Get smart woman!
Third decision: Stay active physically. Let me say right here….this body does not WANT to move. I need to wiggle, stretch, walk, and breathe. I know what needs to be done to stay alive and vibrant. I know! This is why rich folk hire personal trainers. But, because I’m NOT rich, I must “pull up my big girl panties” and get with the program.
Fourth decision: Quit beating myself up for my past. This one cripples my thinking. I am learning how to train my brain. I read, comprehend, and pray fervently. I am getting there. Let me explain: I know who I am based on my response to my partner. My children’s father was intelligent and a wonderful challenge for me. I became strong. Conflict was our MO. My partner today is kind, compassionate, giving, and goal oriented. Disciplined. I am a totally different person with each of them. That’s why I am now asking “who are you, woman”? Each partner has brought out something entirely different in me. Guess what? I like both of me. I have just now come to that decision. I “was” and now I “am”.
Final Decision: I like me. AND I like who I was. I have no reason to beat myself up. I responded the way I knew how.
Today: My faith sustains me. I am getting old, I lose words in a conversation, my bones ache some days, but I choose to continue to live and love. Message to my children: it’s ok to be honest with me when I fail. But it’s not ok to ignore me, forget me, or shame me. I have a responsibility to you, and it’s to be an example of “how to age”….because you’re getting there too! Not that far behind me. Oh joy!!