I think about my past. There is the awareness that it is not only MY past, but those of all I touched. First, my children. What impact did I have on them? Was it good, or as good as possible under human circumstances? My friends…..did they see me as an example of living wisely? Business associates? Was I someone they could follow, seek advice, and respect? My husband….would he have had a “better” life had his wife been someone else?
Dear God……..I am humbled by these memories. What can I do to erase the mistakes? I desire to be strong, make wise choices, be an example to my children and grandchildren and have those around me respect who I have become.
Today I look forward. The past is gone forever….or is it? The results of everything I have chosen, exists today. I am seeing that today’s choices take me down a road and sometimes there is no turn around on that road. Let me explain.

Marriage. I have always believed it was a FOREVER choice. I lived that life. Children. I chose to have my cherished children; they are still my life. Should they or my grandchildren be ripped from me, I feel part of me would die. Career. I have remained true to my chosen work and it has supported me financially and emotionally. Faith in God. The choice like no other. The guidelines set before me are the principles upon which all choices are made.

Let me return to the first: marriage. So frequently I look back over 51 years. It happens in my brain without effort. It ruled how I breathed every day. Those who observed me, even my children and family members, will never know (nor should they) how my marriage functioned. I didn’t know any different. As I look back I have questions about how I should have responded to my partner, choices I made, and how did it affect my children. Now I’m a parent, observing my children’s marriages. I even remember how my parents lived together. I have fewer answers than ever before. But this I know: today I am happy. I have a husband who cherishes me. Observes and cares for me and allows me to cherish and nurture him. Is this a result of our age? Oh, we dream…..maybe we’re wiser and smarter.

Time has passed, and hopefully there is more time to live and observe. That’s all I know how to do: observe. Listen my children….and you shall hear. Watch, be mindful. Be strong in your convictions. Weakness is NOT an option. Choose life….life filled with adventure, laughter, joy, and “deep down” peace. Seek goodness!