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Checking in with an opinion…..Miley Cyrus

Turning to all social sites, news casts, and gossip around the water cooler, chatter is about Miley Cyrus. Her live performance at an awards program left most folks with an opinion. For goodness sakes, she is so young to cause such a stir! If it had been me, everyone would have reason to talk—muscles would have cramped or I would have gotten stuck somewhere along the routine.

While I shook my head at her immaturity, it brought me to another thought. In all of my 70 years I don’t think I made such a spectacle of myself. Never did I need attention so badly that I would expose myself publicly—and that is just not in a physical sense.

As a model, I wore bathing suits publicly. Modestly. I have had my picture in newspapers, spoken publicly to a variety of groups, performed as a pianist regularly—but never did I act because I was pressured to be so outstanding and different that I created a news stir.

Here’s what I wonder……does someone as cute and talented as Miley really know how talented she is? Does she have the confidence she tries to portray? Did mommy and daddy impart moral and character traits deep in her soul? AND therein lies my bottom line; this sweet little girl seems to be trying to find herself because her strength lies solely within herself.

I would like to think that my heirs will see the importance of finding their own peace by looking outside themselves. Developing their God given skills to serve others. It’s not just about ME. If Miley were my granddaughter we would have a lunch date! She needs love and guidance. Her road will be a little tough for a while unless she listens to those concerned for her future—it’s not about money and perceived success.

These are my thoughts for the day……

Grieving

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Recently I had lunch with a dear friend. She and I not only went to high school together, we became roommates when we entered the working world. As we chatted over lunch, she reminded me that she was also in my wedding. That was 50 years ago. How time flies. For both of us, the situations of our lives have been complex. Perhaps that is true of anyone, if only we knew!

We saw one another marry, have children, care for parents, etc…….not usually first hand, but we kept in touch. Now, at our stage of life, we find joy in visiting and sharing a delightful friendship. We spoke of her mother’s death and how painful it still is for her to think of the many happenings that were not shared. A death in a person’s 40’s is indeed painful for all the family. Jim’s dad passed away in his 40’s, and to this day he cries when he speaks of his father. My friend did the same. Then she asked me an important question: “don’t you grieve for your father”? I really had to think about my answer.

An untimely death is hard to understand. Maybe it’s hard to distinguish between “timely” and “untimely”. Jim and I will sometimes talk of how difficult it would be to lose one of our kids, whether son or daughter-in-law. Worse yet, what if we lost one of our granddaughters. The pain is almost unbearable even when it’s not a reality. But I wanted to question myself regarding grieving.

The dictionary says that grieving is deep sorrow, lamenting, weeping; implying deep mental suffering. Do I grieve for my parents’ death? No. I have no regrets. I loved my parents, we shared a full lifetime. They were good to me and encouraged me every step of the way. I grieved when my mother could no longer carry on a conversation with me because of Altzeimers. When she passed away I could celebrate who she had been before the disease. Dad was able to have a conversation with me nearly until he died at 92. He was ready to go. He shook his finger at me and said “now don’t you cry when I’m gone”. Is that why I don’t grieve? Perhaps. I was relieved for his sake when he went to his eternity.

Here’s my summary: grieving appears to be a selfish emotion. I might be sad and sorrowful over any event in life. But the bottom line is this: if I have a faith, and believe that those I love will live eternally with God, I cannot grieve. It is selfish of me. While I remain here on earth I am to do what God has called me to do. I must practice using God given skills until I can no longer function. I cannot change reality. Momentary sadness is normal—but tomorrow has responsibilities and grieving stops my ability to function. No, I don’t grieve. Either I have faith, or I don’t! And….that’s another posting……

Nesting

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As a REALTOR I have watched women “nest” in their home. I, too, am a strong nester. Certainly my home reflects who I am. Having recently cared for two granddaughters in our home, my nesting was challenged. They nested. In the beginning of their stay I discussed which things could stay in their new bedrooms. Didn’t she like the pretty chair? Or the picture on the wall? No, of course not. Out came the can of paint and brown pyramids covered a wall. New shelving for puzzles and building projects. Legos, K’nex, etc. The other bedroom was brilliant pink and made the new occupant happy. However, once every plush animal was invited in, the original furnishings took second place. Now these special girls have returned to their parents.

I laughed as I cleaned and organized. Candy wrappers tucked under the bed where no one was supposed to ever see them, lost puzzle pieces in the other room, and finally a good look at the floor. Furniture returned to its’ original position, all the beds made with clean bedding and pillows stacked in just the right order. Framed pictures now replace the posters. Painting will commence soon. Ah…..nesting. It’s what we do best!

Looking to the Future by Seeing the Past

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Jim and I are approaching our 50^th wedding anniversary. We have commented that it is so easy to reflect on what once was. Yesterday, as we took a leisurely drive to Sandpoint and followed the Pend Oreille River, it was our opportunity to challenge one another to remember life changing moments. It is interesting how there are some happenings in life that seem to “brand” our brains.

I remembered walking hospital hallways with my newborn who had his third blood transfusion. He was screaming his little lungs out and as his mother I loved hearing his robust cry. Jim commented that if he had his first business again, he would “do it all differently”. Wisdom comes late sometimes. We continued relating the experiences of 50 years. When we reflected on our last two years we looked at one another and laughed—we survived! Our faith is intact and stronger than ever. We are empowered and energized by our survival.

When, and if, our family members ever read our accounting of 2011, 2012 and 2013 we would like a standing ovation please! We cared for our parents to the end of their lives, faced cancer several times with Jim losing his ability to talk, I left one position to open my own office, broke my arm, and we committed our lives to the care of two special granddaughters. We have met and learned to respect more teachers, therapists, special ed specialists, doctors and nurses than we ever thought possible.

Survivors. We claim the title. But what counts today is how we look to the future. OK, it’s time to put this in proper perspective. My job is to weave love, joy and peace into everything I do and say today. That is what I will spend my next 30 years trying to accomplish.

Profound Thoughts

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There are days when my thoughts are profound. For certain, they should be shared with the world. Other days…..I’m lucky to make it through to bed time with any logical or inspirational thinking.

One thing I have noticed is that as I have aged, I reflect back on those that have gone before me. I am relating to another person’s journey through this life. How did they handle aging, lack of physical strength, or confused thinking?

Every time I forget something, or lose my keys, I ask that question of myself: am I losing it? Is this the first sign of being really old? I can remember in my 30’s if my memory failed it was because I was so busy. So much to do! And really…..it’s not that I ask the question of myself, it’s what are others thinking of me?

It’s really disgusting when I am given the senior discount without being asked. Dang it—is it that obvious? I have had this profound thought……..it happens to everyone. Fight it all we like, we will age. No magic face lift, special diet or exercise plan will prevent the inevitable. When Jack LaLanne died I was convinced—he exercised and juiced everything….and he died.

Just another profound thought. Is it comforting? No, however it is paving the way for me to find comfort in being seventy!

I’ve been wondering……

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I’ve been wondering if other aging people think about the things that are crossing my mind? As I look around at women my age some are continuing to care for themselves, put on makeup, set new goals, walk with purpose and have a smile on their faces. Others appear to have given up on life. I have been wondering…..what happens in an individual’s life that causes one to give up hope for positive living?

I have been wondering……when does a woman quit being pretty and becomes “cute” again? (I remember hearing someone comment on my mother as being cute–my mother was a striking beauty–I choose to remember her that way).

I have been wondering…..what do I look like from behind?

I have been wondering….when I lose my excess weight will my skin hang?

I have been wondering…..do people see me as “old” or “aging gracefully”, or furthermore how can I continue to be really alive regardless of my age?

I have been wondering…..how will I live the next 30+ years positively and be a benefit to my family and community–not a burden?

I have been wondering….who in the world is the woman in the store window? Catching sight of myself by surprise IS a surprise. Who is that???

I have been wondering….does aging catch others as off guard as it has me?

I have been wondering…..what can I give my children that they won’t fight over after I’m gone?

I have been wondering….did Grandma Moses know she was famous?

I have been wondering….what can I do to make life more meaningful for others?

AND the list goes on and on………my thoughts, questions, and goals are changing. Regardless of the difficulties of our lives, I feel the urgency to start new goals as I turn 70.

Soul Cleansing

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One of the major challenges I face is “stuff”. There are so many interesting things to do–arts, hobbies, places to see, etc. The room fondly called “the craft room” could quickly become the “crap” room. That’s crude, I know. Everything piles up in the middle of a project and cleaning is only necessary when I need to see the work table again.

Stuff can be good–it helps my creativity. I have lots of choices when making a card, or working on a mixed media project. BUT stuff can be bad. I will never use it all. So here’s where the age “sliding into 70” comes in………….I know that some day my kids and grandchildren will say things like this: “what in the world was she thinking”, or “what did she think she would do with that junk”? I know it’s going to happen……….maybe I will stuff little surprises in the boxes and containers. We have all heard of old people putting money in the books. Yup, that’s what I will do. No, not money. Little “hello” notes….telling them how wonderful they are for putting up with my craftiness (and stuff) for all these years. Should be good for a laugh or two after I’m gone and they have the dump truck pulled up to the front door!!

My Strong Will and Goal Setting

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Having just passed April Fool’s Day I am once again reminded that I am the fool! This year is supposed to be a preparation for the rest of my life. I am strong willed. Why did I believe that just because I made up my mind to do something—it would get done?

I have now revisited the basics of reaching a goal. Write it down. Why do I want to achieve my goals? What do I want to gain? What have I got to lose? There is a philosophy that is ringing so true with me today: without a plan, the people fail. Well, for goodness sakes, it’s time!

In order to achieve my health goals I have NOW written down my reasons, created a plan, and will keep a regular journal to show my progress. I am almost 70 and these are the basics of achievement. Why, why, why do I have to learn these lessons over and over. I thought I was so smart, strong willed, but fooled again!

Thoughts on Aging

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The aging process has now become very real. As I talk with others my age (some a few years younger!) we all have something in common. Surprise!! How did this happen? When did I get “old”? Maybe it was one incident that startled our brain; i.e., an accident or injury, friend’s death, etc. So many of us have recently dealt with our parents demise. We have “junk” and “stuff” that was so meaningful to those we lost, but now clutters our garages and basements. There is an acute awareness that none of these earthly goods will follow us to our eternity. Now we think about where will I live when I can no longer care for my home, or even myself. How will I shop? Why do I even care if I shop? And the list goes on and on……I certainly didn’t give this any thought ten years ago!! Ramblings….is this what an aging brain does?

Husband

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In general, the word husband is understood. A woman’s mate. I grew up with the understanding that my father was my mother’s husband. We were an intact family. At the time it didn’t occur to me that we were any different from anyone else in our small community. We were the norm.

Today I have a husband. This year he will have held that title for 50 years. Change as we go along in life is inevitable. I would guess that some get meaner, others nicer and more thoughtful. Like every other married couple we have gone through extremely difficult times. I am sure sometimes my husband would liked to have clobbered me and sent me to the wood shed! And to be honest, I can recall instances when he left for work I wasn’t looking forward to his return.

But today! This incredible man is my partner in life. He listens, responds, comments, pays attention, works, advises, encourages and most of all is loyal. As we face the future we live two lives, different goals woven together to create a picture of “us”. I pray that we have many years to follow.