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A letter to four granddaughters

Grandmothers almost always have advice to pass on to their grandchildren. I am no different. God has blessed me with four granddaughters. Having raised two sons, the opportunity to buy girlie things made me very happy. Not only do I have advice for each one of them individually, this will be my letter to them as a whole. They are of a generation so very different from my own. Society has put temptations in front of them that their Grandfather and I had never even thought about.

It is my desire that each finds joy. I want them to reach a potential that grants them satisfaction within. Peace. As I watch each girl grow and develop I can, because of a certain level of maturity, see what lies ahead. Our 16 year old is autistic and could easily be called “computer brain”. We are daily amazed at her memory for things scientific or relating to math. The 13 year old has a learning delay caused by a unique brain development before her birth. Bubbly, happy and full of joy. And then there are the two younger girls: the 7 year old is probably the most compassionate and loving child I have ever known. She is extremely insightful into human nature. Not enough can be said about our 4 year old charmer. Perhaps grandparents always favor the youngest and we would not want to be accused of favoritism—but this child is exceptional. A real handful for her parents. She will make us all proud someday!! I have nicknamed them “Sweetheart”, “Sunshine”, “Angel” and our little “Busy Bee”!

Dear beautiful children: know that your Grandmother is proud of you. God has made each of you unique and special. I love you with each breath I take. My greatest prayer is that you will have a personal relationship with your Heavenly Father. This will guide your life. I have prayed for each of you and have the faith to believe that you will know Him.

What Will They Remember?

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Maturity has a way of forcing me to look at reality. Reality that what I do should count for someone or something. Reality that I don’t have forever to accomplish my goals. Reality that someone will reflect on my life, once I have died. What will they remember about me? Occasionally I think about my failures……and there have been many. Mom had instilled in me the need to always look well groomed and put together. A past classmate recently commented to me that she remembered how well dressed I always appeared to be. All my clothes were handmade–never having a purchased dress until I graduated from high school. Will my grandchildren and/or children remember my being well dressed; or will they shudder at all the ill-fitting clothes in my closets–because some day I would again fit into them? Such a tiny piece of who I am–or who I think I should be.

My goal is to be used of God, in a way that brings glory to His name. The dilemma, for me, is knowing and seeing the pathway clearly. Selfishly, I want to look good in the process–that goes back to all those clothes! I seek wisdom and a greater awareness of His will. Sometimes today is all I have. Yes, I seek strength to get through the day.

Fiction

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Rediscovering fiction. A part of my challenge is ME! My mind obsesses about situations; what created the problem, what could I have done, what should I do now to solve the problem? Typically I work it through, promise myself that I will let it go………and bang!…it’s back. Time and again, I remind myself of my faith, the Lord is truly in control, and I must leave circumstances out of my control to God’s great plan.

I have made a new discovery………….a very old solution. Call it diversion, avoidance, mental blocking, or….? Fiction. Good fiction. Not everyone describes “good” in the same manner. I have found that reading in my spare moments (read that as when I am in bed and ready to go to sleep) has relieved my mind. I am less stressed–focusing on the day. I am choosing easy-read Christian fiction. I have read all of Diane Moody’s books now–great fun! Reading has always been important to me–but this is a new adventure with FICTION.

How are you doing?

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Such a nice greeting, don’t you think? And that’s all it is! A greeting. The lesson I have learned again and again is that people, and yes even dear friends, do not want to hear how we are really doing. As we have experienced difficulties in our life friends approach us with serious faces, tipping their heads slightly to one side, arms outstretched………….”how are you folks doing”? We always say with a smile, “just fine, thanks”! Comments throughout the years have been that we are so strong, such determined people, facing adversity with a positive attitude, etc. Now I look around and know that I do the same thing to others. I don’t have time or energy to hear about someone else’s problems. Just give me the short version of why everything is hunkey dorey! Here are my blessings: I have two friends that really want to know, they listen, and give advice. And they pray for me. What more can I ask? I will remember, this year, to listen to others. I won’t look for the quickest exit when someone actually tells me some of their challenges. I will pray for my friends–seeking God’s guidance and peace for them.

Droopy faces

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As I go about my daily commitments it is increasingly easy to forget to smile. I really do feel joy inside. I have peace in my soul. Even though there are days that seem to overwhelm me…..there is a little song deep inside. Why in the world do I forget to notify my face? Here’s what I have learned: once I put a smile on my face (not the looney open smile, just a little lip upturn) the result is that others smile at me, the muscles of my face keep some of the sags from showing, and best of all, I feel better. Oh my, what comes first? I feel like smiling, or the smile makes me feel better? OK….here’s the determination: my aging face looks better with a smile. Even with the wrinkles around my eyes–twinkling eyes make for a better day!

E Readers and Paper

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When I am teaching a real estate class there are many ideas that are shared by the participants. Yesterday we remembered the way our business functioned without all the modern technology. Hours of travel time, and gallons of gas, moving paperwork around between clients, agents, attorneys, etc. Now it’s simply a matter of hitting the “send” button. Although I have been shoved into a new modern profession, there was one hold-back. Paper. I love paper. Maybe it came from the thrill of a stack of clean, lined paper when I was a kid going to school in the fall. The rough texture of construction paper, slick photo paper, gorgeous watercolor papers….all create an extra warmth in my soul. Then I was introduced to art papers, beautiful prints and textures. How could I abandon paper for an e-reader? My thoughtful husband was so excited to hand me the Nexus 7 for Christmas. I think I can do this! I can load a great book, take it anywhere and read it without adequate outside light. Then, the greatest of all……I can read myself to sleep, wake up anytime of the night, read….and Jim’s sleep isn’t interrupted! Oh, how sweet. My heart still beats for paper……but I love convenience!

Looking Dangerously Back

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Looking back on life is not always productive–unless important lessons are learned, and then not repeated. Growing older does not necessarily mean growing up, or getting smarter. Because so much of my business life has been teaching ethics and character, I recognize that there are situations that call for choices–that then create character growth. Certainly, as I dangerously look back on my life, I recognize the lessons learned. It is clear to me that God has used me in very small ways, each step of the way. Some of my decisions have been more difficult than others. Working through a marriage relationship is tough work. Raising two boys that are as different as night and day–how do we motivate them? The list goes on……but in the end, what is important? At 69 it is more clear than ever before, God has been in every decision, every struggle, every victory and yes, every failure. He will not fail me now. My life is His.

Mothering

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Hello, my name is Linda. I am a mother. Yes, it does seem like an addiction. Most women begin their mothering experiences as a young person. Makes sense to me. Bodies handle it well, energy lasts for the whole day, attitudes are usually positive. I can reflect on my own mother. Today was her birthday, she died in 2005. Mom was beautiful, sweet, loving, and submissive to my dad. Probably part of the culture of the day, partially the religous training. I am a mother to two boys. Now they are fathers. I still feel the need to be their mother. For the last two years I have been “mothering” and raising two granddaughters. Being a grandmother and mother should be two different roles.

Today in my TOPS club the discussion was about “nurturing” ourselves. This year, at 69, I will begin nurturing Linda.

Anger

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All of life is a challenge. Dad used to say that “life was a fight with a little bitty stick, and every inch uphill”. I think it was a song he heard–but he repeated it often enough I believed it was his own summary of life. As a younger married couple we faced extreme sadness–we lost a baby, had our third child with our RH factor, unemployment, failed businesses, etc. and it did not seem to impact our outlook on life. Later Jim was diagnosed with heart failure–then came the heart transplant, surgeries and cancer. My eyesight challenges. Still ok. But the last two years have taken us to the brink of the “unpositive thinking”! Why is it that we handled our own ups and downs, but when it came to our children–we buckled? I should correct my statement. I’m angry. Jim is still my encourager. Do not be angry, he says–it only hurts you. Dear Lord, I am learning. In His time, all things will work together for good…..because we love Him!

Growing up

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One would think that at the ripe ole’ age of 69, one would have figured out a lot about life! It ceases to amaze me how little I know and understand. I continue to learn, and re-learn, hard lessons. For instance, for the most part, I have made the new year’s resolution to lose weight year after year. And yet, here I am, January 2013, going at it again. I want to be healthy. Of course, the huge closet of clothes that don’t fit are crying out for my attention too. Today I am reminded of my self-talk. My close friend, Carolyn, reminded me the other day to not use the term “need” to do something. I “want” or “choose” to…..eat right, exercise, or whatever. A regular email from motivator/trainer/author Chris Witt today mentioned “should”. Yup, there’s a lot I need to do, should do, otta’ do……but this year I will practice choosing and wanting. I have been blessed with a very special husband……………and after 50 years we think we understand one another. He encourages, enlightens, and supports me. But it has taken a long time to get to the relationship we now enjoy. Jim is funny, witty, insightful, and strong. Together we make one true spirit. But we are so, so different.