There is nothing about “stepping aside” that appeals to me. However, this is what I am learning:

When I evaluate why I am motivated to achieve goals, it’s not only because I’m doing something worthwhile for either my family or community; I get satisfaction from reaching that goal. Furthermore, I enjoy the appreciation that others may express. Perhaps I even like accolades……..yah Linda!

With that in mind, there comes a time to step aside. Not because I cannot continue, but others need to come behind me and learn to take the lead. A good leader will shape and encourage those that follow so all great ideas can continue. Further thought is this: my ideas can grow stale. New blood, new ideas and energy is good!

My thinking has gone one step further. To hang onto projects, and the leadership of those projects, is selfish. It is important for me to realize that others can have great satisfaction in furthering projects I may have started. They deserve (and need) the accolades. There is so much more to say about allowing others their “moment in the limelight”. Let it be said, it’s part of developing character to develop the graciousness of stepping aside.

Onto new goals. Life is exciting when I look forward to new projects. Even more thrilling is encouraging others to follow in my footsteps. Very possibly they can do a better job.

Pretty smart of me, wouldn’t you say?

There are various cultures. Sometimes we judge them by skin color, language spoken or even financial status. I have been thinking about family cultures, and have come to an awareness of two definite differences that might move a family forward.

First, the culture of trauma. This group of people acts swiftly with terrible news or difficult challenges. No one can say that they are lazy or uncaring in these situations. If there is an accident, illness or death—these folks are “johnny on the spot”. They are there to console, empathize and encourage.  Need a shoulder to cry on…..just give them a call! From one trauma to another……this is the way their life goes. Someone looking at the family from afar might think that they thrive on bad things that happen. Maybe. Is it the hope others will think so highly of them because they have endured? Can it be labeled selfishness?

Second, the culture of goals. These family members set goals, work diligently to achieve those goals, and celebrate success. When trauma hits, another goal is set. Move forward, out of the trauma, making the best of circumstances. Action is taken towards that new goal.  It motivates them because there will be celebrating with achievement. As I have watched these families I don’t think they have less trauma in their lives—they just respond differently. Is there an appearance of being oblivious to awful things that might happen? Or perhaps being too “tough skinned”? A risk of this thinking is to ignore a difficulty, not wanting to face reality. That certainly doesn’t make goal setting progress! By and large, goal setting families are emotionally healthier. I would sure rather visit with the goal setters because they don’t suck me dry. They are inspirational.

The trauma group seems to relish the trauma. Conversations always revert back to the trauma. Do they expect sympathy? Or help? Goodness knows, they do NOT want advice. There is probably a good balance of both cultures because all of us will experience tough times and satisfied goals. It’s the mind set. Those with a strong faith will rely on that faith to sustain them through difficulties. The one objective, I believe, is to learn from the trauma, make adjustments, set new goals and “get on with it”.

Goals set and achieved can define me. Regardless of my age.

As an active business person I am sometimes amazed at how younger peers respond to me. I have been in my profession for 25 years, not only “in the field”, but in various leadership and instructing positions. It makes perfectly good sense that those who come behind me are younger, it’s the natural order.  I am experiencing a full life cycle. Some are denied this privilege. I am grateful.

Many times I reflect back on my parents shaking their heads at some of my decisions. Now I know how they felt. In meetings with my peers, or one-on-one conversations, I notice that there is a distinct attitude of “I know best”; “I will do it my way”; “you are too old to understand me”; or, “you have said that before and I don’t want to hear it again”. Now I am the first to admit that I can repeat myself….if I feel that you haven’t responded correctly to my statement, I just might repeat it by changing a few chosen words. My effort is to say  “would you please listen to me; I’m trying to make a point here”.

This is my point: a thinking, mature adult has been through experiences that shape advice. It’s advice that will perhaps save time, money or heartache. It could get us to our goals faster and easier.  However, this is what I have perceived: this is an age old dilemma. Youth refuses to learn from the past.

In all my meetings and conversations, Lord please help me to be quiet and give advice only when asked. Yes, I know….it will be a rare happening. That’s ok. It’s the way the world has been turning forever. Even with written instruction from Moses, we still have to do it “our way”. Heaven help us all!!

So Linda, how’s that wisdom coming along? I picture God sitting across from me, questioning my choices and decisions.

Now listen ole’ wise one; you’ve put me through enough crap to show you who I am. I’m beginning to relate to what a client has called me,,, “a tough ole’ broad”. I’m 70—there’s been quite a bit of water under the bridge.

Let’s think back to my early marriage years: I put my husband first. He was indeed the head of the family. Some might chuckle at that statement……..but it paid off! Then when we had children, they were OUR priority. Daddy the head, Mommy turning the head, and kiddies secure with an intact family. It paid off!

Opportunity presented itself many times to earn an income for the sake of the family. Priorities still intact…..but opportunities like modeling, party sales, house cleaning, and piano teacher were part of a daily routine revolving around hubby and kids. It paid off.

As empty nesters we chose career paths that complemented one another. Then HE couldn’t work. AND God, what was that all about? I chose to build a business, keep my family as a number one priority. So God, when you made me just a little ADD and slightly OCD….. was it with our future in mind? Was that my wisdom….or yours’?

Today we have been through more heartache than we ever bargained for. Life-threatening illnesses, family disappointments, responsibilities that nearly killed us. And yet today we live comfortably in our nice home, drive cars that get us where we need to be, have friends that like us and business peers that respect us. Hmmm….maybe it paid off.

Learning, first hand, words like “self-discipline”, “goal setting”, “responsibility”, are really tough God! Harder yet are learning about “pain management”, “stress”, “wrinkles”, and “death”. Will it all pay off someday?

Katie, you have now turned 14. Your grandfather and I had enjoyed your last two birthdays while you lived with us. We missed all the excitement this year!

Katie, you are one incredible young lady. In spite of your challenges, you have the joyful spirit that will carry you positively through life. Such a cutie too. Beautiful face, and absolutely the most gorgeous hair anyone could ask for. A true blond, with springy curls all over your pretty little head! We always admired your ability to whip that hair into a pony tail—then it fell where it wanted to anyway. That was all the charm of our Kate!

You are a true sportsman (woman). With determination you have conquered every sport that catches your attention. As a tiny little tyke you took on soccer. When you came to live with us our neighborhood boys fell in love with the girl that knew how to handle a ball. The bicycle was a challenge and you went for it. In fact, it was on the bicycle that you had the accident that took out your ACL. Then on to surgery, the wheelchair and crutches. Always a smile. You are one determined gal. We are so proud of you. Then karate. We were amazed at your ability to focus and achieve each new belt. Now you are continuing with martial arts—good girl!

Grandpa and I remember how you love to shop. Any kind of store…..fun, fun. But especially thrift stores. You spend wisely. Making decisions about what you really want, what you can afford and what you will buy next time. We laughed regularly about the pile of plush animals in your room. We didn’t see the floor of your bedroom for a long time. Probably not so funny at the time, but we often chatted about the candy wrappers under your bed. When you went back home to live with your Mom and Dad I finally cleaned out all those wrappers you thought would never be found. Such a kid! Now you have braces and all that sticky candy won’t be the same temptation.

Kate, my sweet girl, I love you with everything in me. I cherish every single time you text me. It rings my heart bell! So many things I want to say to you. Some you will understand, some you won’t. Just know I love you. Grandma

Not only is 2014 a reality, for me 70 has arrived. The year leading to this grand event was full of anticipation. Always I wondered what others experienced and how did my life compare. Did it matter? What has mattered are my choices and decisions.

Highlights of this incredible year: car, family, party, business.

First, a new car. Two door sports car. I feel wonderful behind the wheel. Small enough to feel in control, peppy enough to get where I’m going. We picked up the car out of state and visited with friends along the way. Wonderful experience. If any of my family members ever read this: of course, you are my priority….but driving that car is really a long awaited treat! Thank you for understanding.

We are now living as empty nesters again. Adjust, adjust. While we miss our granddaughters, we don’t miss the responsibility. We pray for them and their parents!

Facing decisions about “what to do when we grow up” was a dilemma once again. Jim and I celebrated our 50^th wedding anniversary. Our kids planned a wonderful party. Seeing old friends, laughing and crying….it was real joy! We can never thank our daughter-in-law enough for all her hard work. Jen planned, invited, decorated, ordered, cleaned and sweat! She was wonderful.

Jim: cancer free!! Had foot surgery to correct a couple of toe problems. Back to stock trading.

Linda: business! Love working with the people, enjoy teaching. Art is my mental salvation.

We love our home and neighbors. Sharing our life with a variety of friends makes life interesting and enjoyable. Our faith in God abides. This is our journey.

AND now on to the next birthday!

Summarized: Forgiveness. Acceptance. Determination.

At age 70 there should be identifiable life lessons that guide the remaining days. Not because these lessons make life easier, but because peace and joy comes with understanding.

2013 has been HUGE in my household. Not just because reaching 70 is notable, there was also the 50 year wedding anniversary. These were milestones the public saw. Behind the scenes there is a completely different take on life.

We have four granddaughters. Two daughters-in-law. Two sons. Both families intact. Each family faces challenges; sometimes financial, others are emotional.

It occurred to me recently that I needed to forgive. Forgive others for decisions made. Each of us must face our life as an individual first, then as a family unit. When painful situations drive anger and/or grudges it destroys love. I cannot make decisions for my sons—they must face the future based on their own decisions. My role is to step aside and let them live with their own consequences. Good or bad. I have learned from my decisions, and they will too. I cannot judge their struggle, because that is between them and their Creator.

My love for my children (and grandchildren) fills me. They will never understand my life and how it feels to be 70 until they too are 70. Today is mine. Mine alone. God will take care of my heirs—either I have faith, or I don’t! I am blessed with a life partner. He comes the closest to understanding me. Our faith has sustained us.

Our journey continues. I accept that the journey ends. I am determined to live each day with forgiveness at the center of my soul. It gives me peace.

December 12, 2013

To my dearest Alaura

What an incredible child you are! Today you are 9 years old. I remember the day you were born. I watched your Daddy give you your first bath. He shed tears—he was thrilled to have a daughter. Both your Mother and Father have been determined to provide you with love, opportunity, protection and an abiding faith in God.

Alaura, you are not only lovely on the outside, but you are beautiful on the inside. Your compassionate spirit extends to all around you. Deep within you have an understanding of  life. As I watch you play the piano, I see you struggle to expose your feelings. You write little songs, sing little melodies….telling the world who you are. In the car, when we’re zig-zagging through traffic, you tell us wonderful, creative stories. What an imagination! Of course, when we hear “once upon a time….” we know we’re in for a treat!

Already you seem to know and understand yourself. When we shopped for a new outfit, it was an easy choice. You knew exactly what you wanted. Today your favorite color is turquoise. Last week you had a haircut. It’s a stylish longer bob. As you move, your hair swings. It pleases you. The color of your hair is dark brunette. You have beautiful hair. Your smile brightens my day!

I am proud to be your grandmother. I believe in you. Life will teach you many truths. Always strive to know your Heavenly Father. Seek His wisdom. And finally, my words of advice: stop and think before you speak or act. What do you want to achieve? If the two are in conflict, STOP. It will make your life so much easier. Finally, don’t sell yourself short; you can be and do anything you set as a goal.

I love you Alaura. Happy Birthday!!

Happy Grandma.

As I approach my 70^th birthday in a few days I realize one thing: living involves challenges. Furthermore, what we learn from the challenge is what life is all about.

We recently became empty nesters once again. The stress of caring for two special needs grandchildren was more than we had ever bargained for. Beautiful, fun, loving girls. How we love them. Adapting to our ability to think about our own care now has proven to be more difficult than we anticipated.

On November 23^rd Jim and I celebrated 50 years of marriage. The party our kids planned was amazing. It would be difficult to thank them appropriately for all the investment of time and money! But we try. The friends that came to celebrate with us will be forever in our hearts.

Reflecting on this year, I am sensing some major changes in my thinking. There is an awareness that life is short…….and what should I be learning? What can I do to have a positive impact on those around me? Same ole’ questions, but more urgent now.

As I began this blog my intent was to share with my four beautiful granddaughters what it feels like to be their grandmother. And for that matter, for my sons; what it feels like to watch them as husbands and fathers. I am proud of them. I continue to pray for them, their wives and daughters. I have complete faith that God will make Himself very real to each of them.

So kids, here’s what I have learned: live a life that you will not be ashamed of tomorrow, face struggles daily with honesty, seek wisdom in all things, love ‘til it hurts, and know (without a doubt) that God loves you more than I ever could! That alone, gives me peace.

My heart is beginning to sing a song again. Joy comes.