Tag Archives: aging

Emotional Wholeness

Recently, my mind has been occupied by the question of “what is being emotionally stable”.

As I reflect on my past, and in turn, the past I created for my children, I have moments of pride, and perhaps more moments of regret. What could I have done to give my children a more secure upbringing?

First, I realize that my choices were reflective of my past. AND it goes on, and on, and on! The generational impact is strong. Is it something anyone can overcome? Patterns established as a child seem to continue into adulthood. Why did I not think of this when my children were young? OR, perhaps before they were born?

Observation leads me to believe that all of us approach life with an incredible amount of naivety. There are so many “what ifs” as we look back. Is that a healthy approach to mental stability? Perhaps not. BUT, are there lessons to learn? Words, actions, thoughts. My brain races. Let me continue.

I am grateful for my parents. They parented well. I had very little restriction, but lots of guidance. Choices came easy for me. The impact of that parental skill has given me the ability to discipline myself and look at life in a positive manner because I have some control of my existence. At an early age I chose to align myself with a faith in God. I have never waivered. With that, I thank God for the forgiveness he grants each of us because I have made some whopping mistakes. My choices. I reaped the consequence.

The generational gap is what concerns me. I am now old. My sons are growing old. My grandchildren are reaching adulthood. What have I done to secure their emotional wholeness? And then, I ask, what does that mean? Does it even exist?

Do we all just make it through life, stumbling along the way? Why can’t one generation understand the other? Why can’t we learn from one another and make REAL progress? The only answer I can come up with is that love seems to conquer the differences. Not prejudices, skewed expectations, differences, judgments or disappointments.

I have chosen to open my heart to a variety of people. I cherish their differences without judgment. However, I continue to have opinions. And for whatever reason, no one cares about my opinion. No one asks, no one listens. Does age and experience not have any value? Each of us continues on this bumpy path with deaf ears. I just now am beginning to understand my own parents. Maybe.

Am I emotionally stable? I make choices, take care of myself, and continue to observe life. I laugh, have fun, have had a successful career, have friends and enjoy a good marriage. I am saddened by others’ troubles. If I look around me and compare myself, I guess I’m ok. But there are those days I question: WHY did I do that? Or say that?

Ain’t life great?

Sliding in to Eighty New Year’s Day 2019

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New Year’s Day, 2019

The original “slide into seventy” is now a slide into eighty. This is what it feels like:

There are thoughts and emotions that don’t occur when one is young. (Young, meaning there are many expected years ahead.) I don’t feel old, until I catch an unanticipated sight of myself in a mirror. It’s a different face. Lines, drooping eyelids, slight sadness to my face. Who is this person?

There is a tendency now to look back at my life. I want to focus on a future….what can I achieve today or tomorrow, but sometimes it takes a strong determination to keep my brain moving in the right direction. I am proud of who I have been, and what I have become. I am strong. I believe I am strong because of a faith in my Creator. I believe He cares for me, and wants me to be with Him eternally. With that mindset, I can face anything in life. I see my weaknesses clearly. Sometimes I fail to see the needs of those around me. That bothers me. I can be abrupt, harsh, and too outspoken. It is sometimes hurtful. I am working on being kind, thoughtful, and caring.

I hesitate to use the word “fear”. There are lurking fears, however. When any fear arises, I make a purposeful attempt at understanding my faith, once again. God is with me. Understands me, and wants what is best for me. But I am human. I don’t want to get old, lose my memory (like my own mother), or lose my family. My children, and their children, make my heart sing. I love them with every ounce of my being. I loved my children’s father. I love my husband. I have many friends from church, clubs, my profession, neighbors, etc. If I should lose any one of these people, I would be hurt.

I wish (in hindsight)

….there had been more conversations with my own parents regarding their thoughts as they aged.

….there had been more touching as I grew up; i.e., hugs, hand holding, closeness.

….there could have been more understanding in my marriage to my children’s father.

….I had been stronger as a young woman…..stating my beliefs and abiding by them.

I NOW want:

…..to really know my children and be able to communicate with them. (this includes step-children).

…..to be an example of living wisely.

…..to be a blessing to those around me. (with a special emphasis on my husband!)

…..to share my talents (music, art, etc.)

…..AND to remember where in the heck I put stuff! This idea of setting something down and not remembering is troublesome, to say the least. I do not multi-task like I used to. Lord help me!

Was that me?

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Was that me?…….so many years ago??

Youth, middle age, older and elderly. Having passed most of these life stages (that’s what sliding into seventy was all about) I have opinions. AND, no one cares. I have asked myself if I was so thoughtless not so long ago?

I can huff and puff every day about “this and that” and believe I have valid thoughts. Sanity has not escaped me: YET. However, as I look around it appears that sanity has escaped a lot of folks in our world.

Here’s the way it works for me: I have lived 75 years. Raised in a very secure family setting; but an only child. Not spoiled, made to work for what I wanted. Given strong guidance, but forced to make my own decisions. My parents probably worried a lot about my choices. Just like I watch my children and think about their choices. Why did they do something…..wouldn’t a different way get better results? Etc.

Everett and I have four sons. Two his, two mine. Our children are responsible citizens. We are proud of them. We respect their right to view life within their culture. It’s entirely different from our generational philosophies.

When we were younger and raising our families were we listening to our elders? No. We wanted the right to choose our own pathway. We made mistakes, and made some good decisions. What if we had listened to those who had gone before us? We’ll never know. It’s the way humanity moves through time.

My point is this: everything we have done in our past is forever imprinted in our brain. Nothing can be erased. Everyday that past is replayed. Sometimes it makes our decision making easier, sometimes more difficult. Always the question: what if I had done “this or that”….what would it have done to my future? What if I had sought outside opinions…..and listened? And acted accordingly? Wouldn’t that experience be good for someone else to help their life?

The outcome for me has been good, in spite of the mistakes. I have wonderful children and grandchildren who love me. (not sure about the respect part); their Dad adored each of them; he stuck with me through the good and the bad. Today I have a wonderful life with a good man. I don’t think my kids worry about taking care of me…..only where the house key is in case we don’t make it home!

So many years ago….was I so thoughtless towards my elders? In so many areas of our culture the older generation is ignored. I remember thinking that my Dad was entirely too opinionated. Not open minded. Today I am opinionated. 75 years worth of experience all rolled into one brain.

We have a culture that doesn’t care and will repeat the same mistakes over and over. I guess that’s the way it has always been. Each generation has to learn for themselves. There ought to be a book about some guidelines that would make us smarter. Oh, guess there is……….

Kicking and Screaming

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I DO NOT want to get old. My emotions range from “gee, I’m glad I’m this age”…to “oh no, fight it girl”
There are times when aging seems overwhelming. This is new territory. My whole life has been about setting new goals. Achieving those goals gave me energy and purpose. The goals I set now are always with the nagging thought life changes and ends.
My adult life has been about acquiring. A husband, children, friends, things, etc. As life moves on, acquiring things isn’t interesting or fun any more. Stuff is stored in closets and boxes. There are only so many clothes one can wear, only so many fingers for rings, and I can only drive one car at a time. I can look around at fine china, crystal and silver. Diamonds, pearls, gold and silver. My granddaughters don’t even know or care about taking care of such finery.
Now life narrows. Actually, it’s about prioritizing. What’s important? My husband of 50 years, children and grandchildren. Dear friends. Time spent?
Aging is more difficult when the body is in trouble. This past spring we struggled with health. Would we ever feel good again. Then frustration sets in and the kicking and screaming begins. I don’t want to get old. I want to run up and down stairs, hike up and down hills, race to the finish line. Finally, our bodies are functioning again. Yes, my life might go on for a long period of time. How do I set new goals? What do I want to accomplish? Life is not worth living if there is no accomplishment.
So I seek my purpose. With God’s guidance, and hopefully wisdom, I seek purpose at 70.

Thoughts on Aging

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The aging process has now become very real. As I talk with others my age (some a few years younger!) we all have something in common. Surprise!! How did this happen? When did I get “old”? Maybe it was one incident that startled our brain; i.e., an accident or injury, friend’s death, etc. So many of us have recently dealt with our parents demise. We have “junk” and “stuff” that was so meaningful to those we lost, but now clutters our garages and basements. There is an acute awareness that none of these earthly goods will follow us to our eternity. Now we think about where will I live when I can no longer care for my home, or even myself. How will I shop? Why do I even care if I shop? And the list goes on and on……I certainly didn’t give this any thought ten years ago!! Ramblings….is this what an aging brain does?