Tag Archives: goals

Who Am I? Another year of asking the same question…..

I have re-read some of my posts regarding this same subject. Here is what I jotted down this morning and it was surprisingly similar to last year! NEW GOAL: Find new goals!!

It must be the “aging” process. Frequently I find myself reassessing my actions, and those actions of the past. Reading is a big part of my life and the subject most frequently chosen is about forgiving, or fear. Maybe that is indicative of my mental state.

I know my children are assessing my actions. It’s a normal thought process for children to be “watching Mom’s behavior”. Is she going down hill mentally? Did she forget something? Was her conversation showing signs of forgetfulness? I get it. I did the same thing with my own parents. However, it doesn’t make reality any easier. I have suddenly decided that getting old is NOT fun. So, the real question is: how do I gracefully attack old age? AND: Who Am I?

First decision: Always look good. I just might fool someone! That goal has sometimes been shattered when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror—or a picture was snapped when I hadn’t posed properly. Wrinkles, fat rolls, an unattractive frown. But I must keep trying!
Second decision: Eat healthy. I fail so frequently. In spite of all good intentions, sugar beckons me. A new goal: no, it’s not new. It’s today’s goal. I read about the effects of eating foods with good nutrition and it might stave off memory problems. Yes, that’s today’s goal. Get smart woman!

Third decision: Stay active physically. Let me say right here….this body does not WANT to move. I need to wiggle, stretch, walk, and breathe. I know what needs to be done to stay alive and vibrant. I know! This is why rich folk hire personal trainers. But, because I’m NOT rich, I must “pull up my big girl panties” and get with the program.

Fourth decision: Quit beating myself up for my past. This one cripples my thinking. I am learning how to train my brain. I read, comprehend, and pray fervently. I am getting there. Let me explain: I know who I am based on my response to my partner. My children’s father was intelligent and a wonderful challenge for me. I became strong. Conflict was our MO. My partner today is kind, compassionate, giving, and goal oriented. Disciplined. I am a totally different person with each of them. That’s why I am now asking “who are you, woman”? Each partner has brought out something entirely different in me. Guess what? I like both of me. I have just now come to that decision. I “was” and now I “am”.

Final Decision: I like me. AND I like who I was. I have no reason to beat myself up. I responded the way I knew how.

Today: My faith sustains me. I am getting old, I lose words in a conversation, my bones ache some days, but I choose to continue to live and love. Message to my children: it’s ok to be honest with me when I fail. But it’s not ok to ignore me, forget me, or shame me. I have a responsibility to you, and it’s to be an example of “how to age”….because you’re getting there too! Not that far behind me. Oh joy!!

Self-Discipline

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As thoughts take hold in this old, old brain, I have come to a conclusion. This conclusion is based on observation: of myself, my family, those in my community, and people I watch from afar.

My life struggle is with discipline. Self discipline. How do I become what I believe is right for me. I am most pleased with myself when I have achieved what I set out to do. For instance; did I make the bed? Does the living room look neat when I walk in to get my morning coffee? Is my underwear drawer neat and tidy? Don’t laugh—these are things that make my day! I feel good with organization around me—my mind is more clear and thoughts come more quickly when my surroundings are in order. Maybe that’s why I clean house before I go on vacation—I want to walk into a tidy home upon my return. It feels good—not frantic.

These examples are trivial, because my life is also made up of huge decisions based upon my capability to follow through with personal discipline. Everyone is different, I readily admit. I admire those who have accomplished beyond what anyone could have anticipated. For instance, those who have physical or mental “disability” but achieve greatness; others who struggle with early childhood trauma and yet overcome to become a great asset to others. These people have made giant strides in self-discipline to become persons of value to themselves and society.

As a woman, business woman, wife, mother, citizen—all of my labels; I believe in my ability to choose. My life takes the direction I choose. I walk out my front door looking like the person I am proud to be.

My observations regarding the lack of self discipline can be summed up with these words: chaos, trauma, lack of peace, low self esteem, disorder, goals not met, hatred, guilt, anxiety, ugly attitude…………and the list goes on and on.

I don’t have answers on how to insert the chip of self disciple into our brains….can we hope for it, buy it, steal it……why do some have it, and not others? Choice?

Of course, this leads to the next subject…..what is the difference between judgment and evaluation? Thinking, thinking………..

My Strong Will and Goal Setting