Recently I had lunch with a dear friend. She and I not only went to high school together, we became roommates when we entered the working world. As we chatted over lunch, she reminded me that she was also in my wedding. That was 50 years ago. How time flies. For both of us, the situations of our lives have been complex. Perhaps that is true of anyone, if only we knew!

We saw one another marry, have children, care for parents, etc…….not usually first hand, but we kept in touch. Now, at our stage of life, we find joy in visiting and sharing a delightful friendship. We spoke of her mother’s death and how painful it still is for her to think of the many happenings that were not shared. A death in a person’s 40’s is indeed painful for all the family. Jim’s dad passed away in his 40’s, and to this day he cries when he speaks of his father. My friend did the same. Then she asked me an important question: “don’t you grieve for your father”? I really had to think about my answer.

An untimely death is hard to understand. Maybe it’s hard to distinguish between “timely” and “untimely”. Jim and I will sometimes talk of how difficult it would be to lose one of our kids, whether son or daughter-in-law. Worse yet, what if we lost one of our granddaughters. The pain is almost unbearable even when it’s not a reality. But I wanted to question myself regarding grieving.

The dictionary says that grieving is deep sorrow, lamenting, weeping; implying deep mental suffering. Do I grieve for my parents’ death? No. I have no regrets. I loved my parents, we shared a full lifetime. They were good to me and encouraged me every step of the way. I grieved when my mother could no longer carry on a conversation with me because of Altzeimers. When she passed away I could celebrate who she had been before the disease. Dad was able to have a conversation with me nearly until he died at 92. He was ready to go. He shook his finger at me and said “now don’t you cry when I’m gone”. Is that why I don’t grieve? Perhaps. I was relieved for his sake when he went to his eternity.

Here’s my summary: grieving appears to be a selfish emotion. I might be sad and sorrowful over any event in life. But the bottom line is this: if I have a faith, and believe that those I love will live eternally with God, I cannot grieve. It is selfish of me. While I remain here on earth I am to do what God has called me to do. I must practice using God given skills until I can no longer function. I cannot change reality. Momentary sadness is normal—but tomorrow has responsibilities and grieving stops my ability to function. No, I don’t grieve. Either I have faith, or I don’t!  And….that’s another posting……