Over the years of marriage, motherhood, and human existence the song in my heart continued to play, until recently I noticed something….my song was gone. Why? For goodness sakes, I couldn’t call it depression. Sadness can surround me, but it does not envelop me. I have an ability to take note of my mental state, analyze it, and get beyond. But where did my song go? Living for seventy years brings with it many life experiences….and my husband and I are not exempt from difficult experiences. Relationship challenges, betrayals, and physical trauma. Financial difficulties. We’ve had it all. We lost a child during a difficult pregnancy, faced health diagnosis that threatened our existence. After a heart transplant and on-going cancer battles my guy still is going strong. So was my song. The diagnosis that my sight could easily slip away without a determined approach to eye care didn’t take my song.

Stress. By name we recognize it; in practice, I didn’t. As grandparents we cared for our two beautiful, special needs, granddaughters. Two and a half years. Night and day. Made every decision for their well being. School, health care, all activities. We lived our life for them, and now recognize what that commitment did to us. We watched with great interest as their parents struggled to regain their ability to parent, our brains still wrapped around our darling girls. The emotions inside us nearly took our lives. Anger (how could this happen), anticipation (when will we have help), love (for our own children and other grandchildren), frustration (with friends that ignored us), and then disgust (for the righteousness of those that claimed to want to help but didn’t show up on our door step).

We are a couple again. My eyes still see,  hubby’s heart still beats. Normal communication doesn’t exist because of his laryngectomy. I’m listening……is my song going to return? Dear Lord, I want my song. My heart weeps without my song.